Fall transitions

Ever since the owners of our condo informed us a few weeks ago that they intend to move back in after our lease (which concludes October 31, BY THE WAY!!!), I've been feeling all kinds of emotions, every single one connected to the big C: CHANGE. There's an overwhelming mix of sadness, guilt, fear of the unknown, and dread rocking my world right now. 

Sadness to leave what's become our home over the last year in Maryland after leaving Chicago.

Guilt for having to uproot Max again for the third time in his little life.

Fear of not knowing where you're going to live and whether you made the right choice about where you end up.

And dread.

Dread because there will inevitably be an awful transition period for our boy.

I really tried to look at this change positively — as a forced opportunity to get a larger place (more space!) and to explore a new community.

There were a couple beautiful, unique options I had my eye on, including an architect-renovated single family home in Bethesda with soaring skylit ceilings and wall to wall windows. And then there was that immaculate, four level townhome condo nearby — entertaining in this space would be divine. Both of these have more ideal layouts than our place now. They both also come with a higher price tag and higher utilities, and yet we still couldn't make up our minds or say no.

A friend had once said to me when I asked if she would ever move back to the last place she considered home. She said, "Probably not. As much as I loved it, I think you should move forward, otherwise it's like looking back." Like, whoah. Right?? Despite my creature-of-habit tendencies, I have to kinda agree with this sentiment, and it is precisely why I was getting a teeny bit excited for moving.

But sometimes, little things like ease of move/logistics + cost savings will often make up your mind for you, whether you like it or not. At the last minute, a unit right in our current development was listed. It's actually just next door! The unit has the exact same layout and similar finishes as we have now. And for some reason, it's significantly less than what we're paying now. Kinda hard to pass up on the savings, you know?

And so, we won't be upgrading to a larger space or a more ideal layout after all — in fact we have to downsize because this new place doesn't have the extra storage unit. But in exchange, it means we won't have to alter our current commute, lifestyle, or daily routine. In some ways, it feels like we're staying stagnant and not moving forward. And it also feels kinda weird to be living in the exact same setup, except ever so slightly different. Will Max feel unsettled, too? Will he try to go "home?" Will he meltdown in tantrums the way he did when we brought him to check out the empty look-alike space? And never mind what this will do to our dog.

That’s just it — life is a never-ending series of changes. One door closes, another opens. Even if it just happens to be next door. This time now — when we really can protect him and give him a safe place to fall – is the best time to learn. I want my boy to be adaptable, trusting, loving, and strong.

Oh, it’s interesting and so new to be a mother to a little boy and not a baby. (More on this next time!)

Our home. (^^Please excuse the bib. It's Max's newest thing. He insists on wearing it everywhere he goes.)